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c l o c k W i s e f r o m t o p l e f t: l u k e r u ta n ( 3 ) , B r i a n f r a n c i s involved. They're more likely to vote, stay well-informed, and speak up when they disagree with government performance. They get involved in civic change because by belonging to the group they have learned to care for people in general. Apparently, group membership is the secret sauce for positive change for individuals and society at large. If you think about it, there's wisdom in getting involved in a group. In his book Together: How Small Groups Achieve Big Things, author Henry Hemming outlines some of the benefits of group membership. People report feelings of encouragement, respect, support, warmth, sharing, and just pure enjoyment. People who belong to groups learn to work together, plan together, cooperate, and collaborate. They learn to speak up and express themselves, to listen to others, and to make decisions with respect and care. They feel more confident because they get a sense of identity and self-esteem from their groups. They learn new things and catch the enthusiasm of working with others. Most of all, they have a feeling of belonging—a basic human need. Better together It all makes sense. Although we Americans are raised with an idea of "survival of the fittest," the truth is that our ability to cooperate and collaborate is why we have survived as the dominant species on Earth. Working with others has always been the key—not beating everyone else out. Yet not all groups succeed. I can't tell you how many events I've gone to where no one spoke to me and I spoke to no one. I might as well have been invisible. There was no connection with others whatsoever. Often at these events, long-time members of the group only talk to the people they know. When that happens, visitors don't return. For anyone trying to start or grow a group, a word of warning: Make sure people connect, and welcome newcomers. It can also be a good idea to use nametags and greeters. When you start a meeting, or any kind of gathering, have people turn and introduce themselves to others. Give them a topic or tell them to talk about why they're there. The idea is to fuel conversation, connection, and new friendships. Why am I going into such detail? Because in our culture we have a tendency to blame ourselves when something doesn't go well. We go to a group, talk to no one, and assume it's our own fault. In reality, however, many groups fail to connect people despite that being their very reason for existence in the first place. That said, each of us can help foster connectivity. Start by introducing yourself. Don't wait for the other person. Put yourself out there. Sit next to someone, not several empty seats away. Always be prepared with a question or comment. It's easy: "Have you been involved with this group a long time?" "This group has always looked interesting to me, why are you here?" "What's your name?" Use good conversation techniques. Be pleasant. Don't hog all the air time. Don't argue. Be agreeable. Ask questions. Laugh easily. Don't rant and rave about things. Don't try to win or prove you're right. A good conversation is a barn raising not a battle. I hope you see what I'm saying. Joining a group can improve your health and our culture overall. It can make you healthier and happier and add years to your life—even starting as a little girl in Camp Fire. Cecile Andrews is the author of Living Room Revolution: A Handbook for Conversation, Community, and the Common Good. Her other books include Circle of Simplicity, Slow is Beautiful, and Less is More. She earned her doctorate in education from Stanford University. SEPTEMBER 2013 | Washington Athletic Club Magazine | 25